Just watching The Traitors.. a bit late to the party I know but I just wanted to talk about infatuation!
3 days into the show and Matt is head over heals with Alex, not realizing that she’s in there with her boyfriend.
He’s let his imagination run away with him and planned his future with her in his head (announced he’s probably going to marry her to the camera no less😬) all before they’ve even had their first kiss.
This is why it’s so important to take your time to get to know someone before idealizing someone you don’t know, everyone has a history, dynamics in their life, everyone is at a different stage in their heartbreak.
We don’t know someone after a few dates. Even if we think we do.
And we project what our beautiful future will be like without going through all the essential steps, which make the foundations of a relationship and decifer whether it will work or not.
You’re projecting how great things seem from your side onto them, your ability to fall head over heels, your attraction for THEM, your feeling of connection. They may experience it all very differently through their lens.
This is dangerous ground in dating and is why you can feel completely devastated over someone you only dated a month. Because it’s an illusion, its not real. And why it’s so important to give a little message to someone if after 4 or 5 dates you decide it’s not for you, rather than ghosting or even worse… slow ghosting, just gradually reducing contact over time hoping they’ll get the hint.
It’s just a waste of their time and the kindest thing to do is a quick text to say you’ve enjoyed meeting them but they’re not for you.
You can see the heartbreak on this guys face, it’s very real even though it’s only been a few days of flirting
since they met.
The realisation that what hes imagined in his head will never be, is devastating to him even though the romance never actually began. Our imaginations are a powerful thing. Our brain doesnt realise that it isnt real.
So if this happens to you just take a step back, try and slow down and focus on other things. Dont make them the centre of your world too soon, keep doing you.
And know that it can happen to men just as easily as women, and we all just have to be honest and kind with eachother. And hope next time you both feel the same and will start a lasting relationship on solid ground.❤️
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